she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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