Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she peed on how many people?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
