We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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