I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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