i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
