The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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