we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
