I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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