This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
