Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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