i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
