i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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