did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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