Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
