Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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