We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
