some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
