There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
