Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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