The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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