Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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