my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I believe in your delicious
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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