D3 body, D1 cock
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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