I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
