they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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