Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
