So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Little spoons don't ask big questions
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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