she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
