Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
