Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
