Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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