i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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