I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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