pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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