He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
