I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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