Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
