Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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