So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
3 2 1 whiskey
How does it feel to date your dad?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
