i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize