my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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