my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
