I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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