I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
