She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
