I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
