So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
