that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
