If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is my gift to your gina
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
