i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
