Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
