So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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