Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
