don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
