Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
