I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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