Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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