I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
