just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
