During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
