no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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