Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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