Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
