One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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