Sponge bath it is.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
