New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i drank out of a bidet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
