Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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