Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
