my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
