last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
