Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
