I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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